The Dance
by Adalia Peace
Summary: Troubles and joys both are caused by the final dance during the Halloween Masquerade Ball. Warnings: Slash, Future Implied Mature Content. Never finished, abandoned it for over a year and I figure by now nobody cares anymore.
1. The Dance ch 1

The Dance

Disclaimer: All of the characters belong to J.K. Rowling; the song 'The Dance' belongs to Garth Brooks, as far as I know.

Author's Note: Despite the fact that the whole fic is named for this one chapter, this isn't a one-shot. I find it terribly annoying to be teased with a single, how-it-began chapter, and then be left wondering what the aftermath was. Look forward (or not, if you wish) to future chapters.

The Halloween ball was ingenius, Lily Evans thought. Dumbledore and a few of the other teachers had placed several charms on the Great Hall to ensure the nature of the ball was not ruined. One charm detected which student wore which costume, to avoid students too young slipping in; one detected if the students had informed anyone else, in any way, of what costume they wore; another was a glue-type charm that prevented students from removing their costumes until the designated hour, which was, predictably, midnight.

Lily also noticed that while some costumes left nothing to the imagination, others actually concealed even the gender of the wearer, so that the scenario she watched unfold was made possible. _She_ had known for some time that her friend, Remus Lupin, was gay. She had also known who he was desperately in love with, had been for a long time, which should have been obvious even to the blind, except that his other friends simply weren't looking. Since the beginning of the year, they'd known he was gay, but they continued to try and hook him up with random guys known around the school to be gay, never understanding why he turned every one of them down.

During the few moments of silence between songs, Lily – who was serving as the party DJ – saw Remus. Being one of the students who had volunteered to supervise the ball, rather than join in, she knew who wore what costume. She also saw the connection of eyes across the Hall as Remus looked up from the table he was sitting at, and saw the student in the vampire costume. Both the vampire and Remus wore costumes that made gender indiscernible, and Lily thought it was a good thing. If gender was obvious, this might never happen. But Remus' dark gold eyes, a trait of lycanthropy (but not impossible for a normal wizard; probably why not everybody knew of his condition), met with the dark grey-blue eyes of the vampire, and before either of them knew it, it was silently agreed upon. They would dance.

The vampire made his way, slowly, through the crowd, ignoring the scantly-clad girls around him for once, and Remus in his Egyptian-pharaoh costume rose from his seat and moved to greet the other. There was no dance request, and no acceptance. They simply moved together as the next song began, and Lily only then realized which song she'd put on, and regretted it immensely. Perhaps the final words of the song would curse Remus later. For now, she had no choice but to watch it unfold.

_Looking back, on the memory of_

_The dance we shared, beneath the stars above_

_For a moment, all the world was right_

_How could I have known, that you'd ever say goodbye_

As he listened to the lyrics, Remus winced inwardly. He knew who the vampire student was now. Not only did the song, which he considered an omen, tell him as much; he could tell just by touching him, by the electricity that shot through his veins at the smallest contact. And there was no small contact here; the vampire had Remus pulled right up against him. Frankly, Remus wondered why his dance partner had yet to figure out he was not a girl.

_And now, I'm glad I didn't know_

_The way it all would end, the way it all would go_

_Our lives, are better left to chance_

_I could have missed the pain_

_But I'd've had to miss... the dance_

Contrary to what Remus thought, the vampire had it all figured out within the first few seconds of music. Who could mistake those beautiful golden eyes for anyone else's? He knew very well who he danced with, and unlike Remus, he'd never heard the song before. He didn't care what the lyrics said, although he should have. He'd find that out later.

_Holding you, I held everything_

_For a moment, wasn't I the king?_

_But if I'd only known, how the king would fall_

_Hey who's to say, you know I might have changed it all_

Remus sighed, knowing this could not end well. But for now... for now, was it so wrong of him to just enjoy the moment, to wish, to let himself hope for the length of the song?

_And now – I'm glad I didn't know_

_The way it all would end, the way it all would go_

_Our lives, are better left to chance_

_I could have missed the pain_

_But I'd've had to miss... the dance_

The vampire held his partner close, and breathed in the scent of his hair, wondering where he should go from here. On the one hand, he could just accept reality as midnight approached, and admit that he'd known his partner's identity all along. On the other, he could pretend he'd been unaware, and go back to denying his own feelings and hurting both of them.

_Yes my life, is better left to chance_

_I could have missed the pain_

_But I'd've had to miss... the dance..._

The song ended at one minute to midnight. Thinking fast, Remus turned from his partner as he was released and fled. He did not run; that would have been too obvious, and might have provoked a chase. He simply turned and walked away, taking longer strides than normal to get away faster.

His plan did not work, however; his partner followed him anyway. The effect that the faster exit had was to make Remus unaware that he _was_ being followed. He passed through the entrance hall and made for the front doors, his footsteps drowning out those of his pursuer. As he reached the front steps of the school, and felt the first cool breath of rain-scented wind on his face, he was suddenly aware of the presence behind him. And as he turned the clock within the Great Hall reached midnight, and his costume dissolved, as did the vampire's.

He and Sirius stared at each other for a terribly long time, long enough for Sirius to notice the shine in Remus' eyes that told of tears. Long enough for Remus to figure that Sirius hadn't known who he was, was now disturbed, and would probably never speak to him again. Remus turned and made to go down the steps; Sirius grabbed his arm. Angry now, Remus pulled free of Sirius' grasp and fled again, running this time. What he did not expect was for Sirius to follow him again, and when the other boy caught up with him, it was not a gentle halt. Sirius caught him by the arm again, pulling him around, and they stumbled together and fell in the shadow of the oak tree they normally sat under during the warmer months to do homework together. As they fell, Sirius deduced where he was in relation to Remus, and when they hit the ground together, it was with a crushing force, concentrated in their lips.

Remus had squeezed his eyes shut as his feet slid over the wet grass, but they flew open when he realized... Sirius was _kissing_ him. Not by accident, as he still believed the dance had been, but really kissing him, hands resting at the base of his neck and the back of his head, stopping him from pulling away. Even so, when Remus struggled a little, Sirius released him. Their eyes met again, gold and blue, and for a moment nothing else in the world existed to either boy than the other.


	2. Lily's Troubles ch 2

Chapter 2

+ Lily's Troubles +

Chapter Summary: Lily tries to convince Remus that it's worth a shot; he's afraid of risking everything.

The morning after Halloween, Lily woke early for the express purpose of showing up for breakfast before either Remus or Sirius. She munched on some toast while she waited, and read a little of her History of Magic text. Fortunately, some others showed up before either of the boys she was waiting for; she didn't want them to think, well, that she was waiting for them.

As soon as the group of four – Sirius, Remus, James and Peter – came in, she knew something had gone amiss between the end of the ball and this morning. Remus' expression was one of defiance and intense, though partly hidden, anger; whereas Sirius looked lost, confused, and depressed. Both boys had dark circles beneath their eyes, Remus' making him look almost dangerous. Lily eyed both boys in turn, trying to deduce what had gone on. If anything, she'd expected Sirius to be looking disgusted with Remus, and Remus to be looking just as Sirius looked now.

"Hey, Evans," James greeted her warily as they sat down, arranging themselves around her. Owing, no doubt, to her complete lack of good luck, Remus and Sirius took seats on either side of her. James attempted to strike up a conversation involving all of them, and unlike the past, Lily ignored him not because she wanted him to die horribly, but because her thoughts were entirely focused on what in the world she might be able to do for Remus.

Part way through the meal, Remus scribbled something on a scrap of parchment. A moment later, Lily felt him slip it into her pocket. In the middle of James' sentence, she excused herself, and retreated hastily to the entrance hall. Pulling the parchment from her pocket, she unfolded it and read:

_Lil-_

_I need to talk to you about what happened last night. I know you saw, don't try to deny it._

_ -Remus_

Lily sighed, slumping back against the wall, and shoved the rumpled paper back into her pocket. Remus obviously had a story to tell, and by the sound of it, it wouldn't be a good one. Remus rarely, if ever, requested a chat in private. Normally his other friends would be the first he'd go to with a problem, and he saved chats with Lily for joking and light-heartedness. If he wanted to talk only to her about it, it was obvious that this was not one of his usual problems – it was a major problem.

Back in the Great Hall, James looked unperturbed. He was too used to Lily running off in the middle of the one-sided conversations he tried to include her in to bother too much about it. However, the absence of Lily called his attention to the two boys who'd been sitting beside her, and he noticed for the first time how lost Sirius looked, and Remus' clear intent to ignore the world. "Hey Padfoot," James said, "I need to talk to you. Outside."

"I'm not finished eating," Sirius said glumly.

"That's because you haven't started yet," James pointed out. "Entrance hall. Now." He rose from his seat and headed out, hearing Sirius get up and exit behind him. Peter and Remus remained behind, the former completely unaware of what went on around him, the latter cheered only slightly by the knowledge that Lily would have an answer. Lily always had an answer.

Speaking of Lily, as the doors to the Great Hall began to swing open again, she dove behind the nearest tapestry. This would have been foolish, had she not known that this particular tapestry covered a doorway, and she stood safely concealed behind it as James dragged Sirius out of the Hall. He whirled on his best friend as soon as the doors were safely shut. "What... did... you... _do_?"

"What?" Sirius asked, shocked. "I didn't do anything!"

"You obviously did," James replied. "I've never seen Moony angry at you – all the rest of us, yes, but never you. You must have done something to piss him off, something serious. And you're looking pretty fucking down, yourself. What's the matter?" Sirius mumbled something, and James paled. "You did _what_?"

"I kissed him," Sirius said, raising his voice slightly.

"Why the fuck would you do that?"

"You know why -"

"I know why you'd do it, but why _did_ you? I was trying to help you. I can't feign innocence if it's blatantly obvious to him why I'd want to know who he's interested in."

"Well, you can give it up now, can't you? We know the important bit."

"And what's the important bit?" James demanded.

"That it's not _me_, obviously. I don't give a hell who he fancies anymore. If it were me, he wouldn't be so fucking angry with me for kissing him, now would he? If you still want to know, go on and find out. Just leave out the telling me who it is part, because I've got all the information I need." Sirius turned and left, leaving James standing in the middle of the corridor, looking nearly as lost as Sirius had that morning.

Lily waited until James had collected himself and reentered the Great Hall, then stepped out from behind the tapestry. She considered for a moment before going back into the Great Hall a few moments after James. She had a friend who needed her, now, and she had no idea how to tell James and Sirius that Remus _did_ want Sirius. She was friends with neither of them, and it was likely they wouldn't believe her. Well... James might, just because of his crush on her, but Sirius knew she didn't like him and would probably think she was just trying to get under his skin.

Remus had finished eating and was answering Peter's questions about Charms homework when Lily approached the table. She tapped him on the shoulder, and he turned his head to look at her. "I think you and I need to have a talk," she said, then added for emphasis, "now."

"Why now?" Remus asked. "I'm helping Peter with his homework."

"I'll _do_ his bloody homework for him, if you'll just shut up and come with me," Lily snapped. "Just come on. This is important." Remus gave a long-suffering sigh, but followed her back out into the entrance hall, where she whirled on him, much as James had done to Sirius only moments before. "What is going on, Remus? Everything was fine last night, until -"

"Until I realized what he was doing," Remus cut her off.

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, come off it, Lil. You know how Sirius is. He's had half the girls in this school convinced he loved them at one point or other. He gets them to love him, uses them, and dumps them. You've seen it, everybody's seen it."

"I don't see how it applies in this situation."

"Don't you? It's the same case. Maybe Sirius isn't straight, completely, but he'd never consent to actually date a guy. He wants me to love him, to believe he loves me, so he can get into bed with me and right back out again. I know him, I know that's always how it goes."

"Come on, Remus. When you left the Hall last night, he followed you. I don't know about you, but I've never seen Sirius Black chase a girl before. They come to him, point blank. So why did he follow you?"

"Because he's extra desperate, obviously," Remus said. "Anyway, once I realized this, I couldn't believe he'd be such a bastard as to do that to one of his best friends, and I got pissed. I shoved him away from me and went to the dorms, and I used some really fucking strong charms to lock the hangings around my bed so he couldn't follow me again."

"I hate Sirius, you know that, right?" Lily asked.

"Yes."

"And there's nothing I'd love more than to see him get his heart trampled by a rampaging rhinocerous for once, right?" she pressed.

"Yes."

"Then why in the world would I be defending him if I thought he was lying to you, so to speak?" she asked. There was a long silence at that.

"I don't know, Lil, but I do know that I'm not willing to risk it. I love him dearly, you know that. I'm just not willing to put all my cards on the table if I'm not completely sure it's worth it."

"How will you know if it's worth it?"

"I'll know when I can see that _he_ thinks it's worth it." With that, Remus turned and strode off. Lily sighed and stared after him, trying to work out how the hell she was supposed to help him with this.

In the Gryffindor boys' dormitories, Sirius slumped against the headboard of his bed, extremely glad that classes didn't start back up until the following week. He wasn't sure he'd be able to scrape a passing grade when he had so much on his mind. He fully planned to sit here, on his bed, hidden behind the slightly ragged hangings, until he worked out how to save his friendship with Remus. He knew he couldn't hope for an actual relationship, so he decided to focus on what had been, and what might be retrievable.

Unfortunately, he wasn't to have peace for very long. He heard the dormitory door open, then slam loudly, and the rustle of clothes on sheets as somebody flopped down on a bed. Sirius hugged his knees to his chest and rested his chin on them, tilting his head to one side to stare in the direction the sounds had come from. Remus' bed was over there, but so was Peter's. Although, truth to tell, Sirius couldn't deduce why Peter would be angry enough to slam the door.

He sighed deeply before he realized that the sound would give him away. He heard a quick shifting of the room's other occupant, and then a called out, "Hello?" He went limp, wondering why his life was going so wrong. It was Remus.


	3. Author's Note Only No Chapter

Author's Note

Sorry for faking you out – this isn't a new chapter! I just figured some of you might like to know this.

I have actually finished writing this fic – I have every chapter saved on my computer and in my documents. It's only going to be five chapters, but some of them are a bit long, and I tend towards fast-paced and absolutely brimming with emotions. Let me know if I'm delusional, would you?

I like reviews, they're nice. Even if you've nothing but negative thoughts about this particular fic, go ahead and let me know your opinion. In reality, I hate every word I've ever written, despite the fact that a lot of people tell me I'm a good writer. Since those people are friends and family, I choose not to believe them. Heh...

Anyway, thought you'd all like to know what the length is going to wind up being, and I'm sorry again for fooling you. I will be updating... very frequently. I know how much _I _hate being made to wait for more chapters to a well-liked fanfiction, so I'll try not to do that to you!

Again, please give me your opinions, good or bad. Just please, PLEASE don't bitch me out for it being slash. I gave that warning right there in the summary, and if you couldn't be bothered to read it, that's your own bloody fault.

Next chapter will be up hopefully tomorrow. I will say, however, that I work, and the only days I have off are Saturday and Monday, so if it's not up until Monday, you'll know why.

-Adalia Peace


	4. Remus' Decision ch 3

Chapter 3

+ In-Depth Discussion of a Sensitive Nature +

"Hello?" Remus called out. Sirius began to beat his head against the wall behind him, cursing himself for making noise. Remus, of course, figured out where and who he was by this, and jerked the bed hangings open. Sirius stopped the self-abuse, but not the self-cursing. He kept that up until he ran out of foul words to say, at which point Remus took the opportunity to speak.

"What are you doing up here?"

"Oh," Sirius said, trying to make his tone light, "nothing. I was just kind of hoping for some time to reflect on my day." Remus stared at him blankly.

"It's still morning. The most you've done is dress and eat. What is there to reflect on?"

"Okay, I'm reflecting on my week then," Sirius said stubbornly.

"What are you reflecting on, specifically?" Remus asked, almost afraid of the answer.

"Oh, well I was just thinking what an accomplishment it was to piss off two of the people who matter most to me and essentially fuck my life to hell in the course of about twelve hours," Sirius said brightly. "That's a feat to be proud of, don't you think?"

"I... um..." Remus faltered.

"I was also considering suicide," Sirius said, no longer able to keep his voice upbeat. Now it was grave, and serious. Remus felt a flutter of fear in his chest.

"Why?"

"You remember five seconds ago, when I told you I'd managed to fuck my entire life up in twelve hours?"

"Yeah."

"That's why."

"James never stays mad at you, you know that," Remus said. "He's your best friend. He'll come around."

"I'm not so sure," Sirius said. "James knows when wrong is wrong. He knows I'm wrong."

"Then make it right," Remus said. Unable to bear being in Sirius' presence any longer, he left the dorms, entered the common room, and threw himself down on a sofa to give himself a good mental thrashing. His anger had boiled up again while he'd spoken to Sirius, although he'd done a good job of hiding it. He wasn't sure he'd ever forgive Sirius for leading him on; not that Sirius knew why he was so angry, as he was unaware of Remus' love for him, but he shouldn't have kissed Remus anyway.

Remus clenched his fists in his own hair and realized that he, too, was not completely unwilling to contemplate suicide. What had he left to live for, after all? James was Sirius' best friend; it didn't matter how wrong he thought Sirius was, the two would always be on the same side. Peter, being quiet and more of a parasite than a friend, was no reason to remain alive. And Lily... well, Lily was angry with him for not listening to her, for not trusting in her opinion. Lily would forgive him; he knew that. He just wasn't ready to face a future that contained more of what the last few years had held – the pining over Sirius, the new depression every time he got a new girlfriend, the anger whenever Sirius did something stupid and expected Remus to bail him out. He wasn't willing to contend with the pain any longer. In fact, he'd lost all his resolve to live.

Remus rose from his seat and left the common room. The Astronomy tower would be the perfect place.

--

Author's Note: I apologize for the length (or lack thereof) of this chapter. It was a fairly fast-moving one, and really all I meant to cover were emotions.


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